Disclaimer: I have no idea if this is hard science or what, but I live by it — especially when writing, especially when considering comments from beta readers.

When I send out a first draft (or portions of a first draft) to beta readers, I’m always open-minded when comments start coming back to me, but before I consider implementing any suggested changes – I have to remind myself to think about why I wrote what I did in the first place.

It’s very normal to feel silly or dumb after hearing comments, and immediately feel like you need to rush to do exactly what that person says — But you’ve also got to remember that you’re smart, too, and you wrote what you did for a reason.

Here’s an example:

My first book was this YA dystopian government thriller thing, and it was supposed to be dark and upsetting in the first two chapters, but then things get better for the main character (cause he fights the system).

I listened when one beta reader told me that the book would never sell, as it was “too dark for kids.”  So I changed the beginning to be jokey and silly, so as not to alienate the audience from the beginning.

So what went wrong?

This beginning didn’t jive with the rest of the book, that’s what!

I should’ve trusted myself, I should’ve stopped to consider what the book was about (good beating evil).

On the other hand, the same beta reader suggested I lower the main character’s age, and after careful consideration, I realized it was the best thing to do.

In short, I think you should carefully consider every comment a beta reader has, and then pick and choose what advice to take. Because you’re smart too!

When I beta read books for people, I try to concentrate on pacing and whether or not I “buy” the premise and/or characters’ actions, and I always try to spend a great deal of time thinking, “Why did the author do this? Why is the main character the way he/she is?”

I do this because I trust the author knows what he/she is doing – I make sure I have a damned good reason before questioning an author on anything.

How do you beta read? Do you give the author the benefit of the doubt, or do you dive right in and analyze everything? Changing things? Looking for plot holes?

As a writer, what’s most helpful to you?

Before we even saw his aunt and uncle, I said to my husband, “They are going to be suffering from mad Uncle Charlie’s Broken Arm Syndrome.”

What in the world is that, you ask?

I learned about this “syndrome” in international relations classes in college – basically it means that when you go away someplace for a long time, you are likely to come back a VERY different person, (e.g. what people are like when they come back from Iraq and Afghanistan), and while you are a VERY different person, no one else has changed at all, because they haven’t experienced anything new.

Here’s an extreme example:

John Doe: “I’ve been living in Iraq for a year. Every day I worried I’d be killed by celebratory gunfire, and it was a bazillion degrees and I had to wear body armor everywhere I went.”

John Doe’s mom: “That’s horrible, dear. (Insert awkward pause here) Did you hear that Uncle Charlie broke his arm?”

As you can see, John Doe’s mom couldn’t relate at all.

While I in no way equate going to Iraq with writing, sometimes I feel like I suffer from Uncle Charlie’s Broken Arm Syndrome after writing. I can spend hours in an imaginary world, only to emerge and realize that no one can possibly understand where I’ve been (until they read the book, of course).  Coming out of a book is a very lonely experience – I’ve left behind characters who’ve become my best friends. Characters who are part of ME.

And to top it all off, a lot of non-writers don’t (and won’t) ever understand why writing is so hard, or why I enjoy it so much. I’m sure all writers feel pretty lonely – that’s why it’s so important to join writing communities and critique groups and have great writerly friends.

After you’ve finished a story, how do you deal with Uncle Charlie’s Broken Arm Syndrome?

Read about Bob and Pam Beggan’s sailing trip here.

Someone dared me to eat a larvae, and that was intriguing. Salty.

I wasn’t able to get an ARC of DELIRIUM - it was the one I wanted most – they were all gone by the time I got there!

I’m most excited about MATCHED and TORMENT.  I hadn’t heard of HALO, but the cover is gorgeous.

My favorite part was getting to talk to Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl about their books Beautiful Creatures and Beautiful Darkness. I had been wondering how in the world they’re able to write books together, and they explained that they’ll do an outline together, then Kami will write the first few chapters and will send them to Margaret, who deletes what she wants (without telling Kami) and adds as needed. Crazy, huh?

Here are the books I managed to grab:

As you can see from the picture, getting coffee is a dangerous game.  I took this picture at a non-peak hour – usually there are about 20 people crowded around this station.  I’m surprised I come out unscathed (for the most part – I’ve been burned a few times).   

Here’s how it goes down:

1. Get cup from one of three stations (while dodging people who already have cups who are trying to get to the sugar/lid/creamer stations).

2. Squeeze left (NOTE: I have to step AWAY from the coffee urns) to get a cardboard sleeve, lid, and sugar and stirrer.  Put sugar into cup before moving to urn (delaying the people waiting to get to sugar). 

3. Dart right (squeezing past the people who are now lining up to get a cup) to get coffee from the urn.

4. Slink back (through the crowds of people trying to get a cup, or to the right, past the other cup and sugar stations) to get to the creamer/milk station. 

- NOTE: Each milk station contains different types of milk/cream, and there is no consistent pattern to what will be where, e.g. Whole milk, 2% milk, soy milk, half and half, and skim. Some stations have 3 Whole Milks, while others have none.

5. Now I have a cup of hot coffee. I must set it down to secure the lid and avoid a third-degree burn. 

- NOTE: This means I have to set my cup down in front of a station that other people inevitably want to use (e.g. creamer/milk/sugar/lid stations), thus holding up the line. 

6.  At this point, at least two minutes have gone by.  I think it should take less than a minute to procure a cup of coffee. 

HOW I WOULD ARRANGE IT: Sleeve, Cup, Coffee, Sugar, Cream/Milk, stirrer, lid (with place to set the coffee). 

Why is this so HARD?!

A few statistics: 

Coffee sales make up 30% of all cafeteria purchases at my work. (I was unable to find out the total $$ of sales – this is highly secretive information apparently)

A GS-11 employee makes $62,462 per year – this works out to be about $.50 per minute of work. 

5,800 employees work in my building.

Assuming that a more-efficient workflow would bring coffee-grabbing time from two minutes down to one minute per person, and if 1,000 employees a day get a cup of coffee, that’s approximately $1,000 per day that could be saved by improving the coffee process flow!

Writing:

And since this is supposed to be a writing blog, I’m going to tie this to outlining a novel.  When I write, sometimes I write the last scene first. Or I’ll write a scene in the middle of the book first.  I just don’t know what I’ll write when, but it always comes together in the end (I hope!).  It’s kind of like getting coffee – on any given day, I never know if I’m going to get my sugar last or first, or if I’ll be able to find skim milk. 

My friend (and we share an agent) Tiffany Reisz says she writes everything in chronological order.  If I did that, I’d never finish a book!  I always need to know where I’ll end up. 

In writing, I guess we all end up with a cup of coffee in the end, but how do you get there?  How do you outline and write your novels?

Are there efficiencies to be gained by having a set process for writing a novel, rather than being all over the place like me?

But is that really true?

Are Bosnian war crimes funny?
Are kidnappings funny?
Is watching all the people on The Biggest Loser funny?

On the other hand – not too long ago, those hikers got imprisoned in Iran. And then two of them got engaged in the Iranian prison! I laughed out loud when I heard that and said to myself, “IN YOUR FACE, IRAN!!” (Okay, I might have tweeted that, too)

While I don’t believe that everything in the world is funny, I do believe that writers have a responsibility to be as clear and honest as possible. No one likes a dishonest writer. 

And I love it when authors take a real-life situation and make it horribly embarrassing for characters — after all, we all want to relate to characters we read about. No one likes a perfect character either.

There’s a scene in THE CORRECTIONS in which the main character tries to steal fish from the supermarket and ends up hiding it in his pants. It’s a truly cringe-worthy scene.

Another scene that made me cringe was in Sarah Dessen’s LOCK AND KEY, when a character who was completely broke tried to make people think he was rich by giving expensive gifts away for Christmas, and then told everyone how expensive they were.

I remember those scenes well because the authors wrote so honestly.

So next time you write, make sure you make those funny/embarrassing scenes truly REAL.  Bring out the best and worst in your characters, bring out their insecurities. Make them worry about stuff we worry about in real life.

Like if you’re wearing nice underwear.
Or if your breath reeks.
Or if other people can’t stand being around you.
Or how you feel after you’ve said the stupidest thing ever.

What’s one way you’ve really taken it to the limit with your characters?

On occasion, I’ve read YA books WITHOUT kissing scenes, and well, they just bored me to tears. If you’re going to build up the tension between two characters and then not let them kiss, then well, that’s pretty boring to me. I don’t even care if you’re trying to make some point – I’m still bored.

Anyhow – I’m working on a new kissing scene where the main character goes out on a date with a guy who’s kind of interesting and cool, but she’s not dying in his arms tonight.  They kiss, and she doesn’t feel a spark like she feels with another guy.

So what does this kiss feel like? How would you describe it? How would you describe the main character’s emotions during that moment?

Have you ever had a kiss like that?

HELP!

Anyway, a couple weeks ago, this went down:

Cassandra tweets: I just got a query. The plot has something to do with NASA and werewolves.
Miranda: OMG. I want to read this NOW.
Cassandra: Why in the world would you want to read that?
Miranda: NASA is by far one of my most favorite things in the world. And werewolves interest me. Therefore, this book must be awesome.
Cassandra: I couldn’t even get through the query. It didn’t interest me.

I know what you’re all thinking — you agree with me, that anything involving NASA and werewolves must be the next Harry Potter. (Just kidding)

Fast forward to the other day.  I’m talking with Agent Sara about a friend’s writing. Said friend is working on both a Young Adult novel and a Middle Grade novel. The MG novel, in my opinion, is the more marketable of the two and is definitely something I’d pick up at the bookstore. It has a great concept, hook, world, etc. The YA, while it has a great hook and great writing, is not necessarily something I’d pick up cause I don’t typically read this kind of book.

So here’s what happened:

Me: Let me tell you about this MG book. It sounds KILLER. *tells plot*
Agent Sara: Hmmm. Yeah, maybe.
Me: Okay, well let me tell you about this YA book instead. *tells plot*
Agent Sara: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You never know what someone’s going to want. One agent/editor may hate your writing, while another one might love it. You’ll never know until you put yourself out there.

So if anyone’s writing a Star Trek fan fiction novel featuring baseball, hot hook-up scenes, eating at Mexican restaurants, Han Solo, and Nintendo, I would love to read your work.

So here are 20 things I want to say to people who shall remain nameless. Pretty sure I’ll never say any of this stuff.

1. I am fairly certain you married a succubus.
2.  Your shoes reek! Get them out of the hallway already!
3.  I can’t stand how you never do any work, but somehow get oodles of credit.
4.  I wish I was as smart as you.
5.  Get a job.
6.  How come you never remember a word I say?
7.  I am sorry I stopped talking to you, but now I don’t know how to start again, and I want to.
8. Even though you’re a democrat, you sure know how to WASTE money.
9. I kind of have a crush on you, even though you’re a girl, and I’m not gay.
10. Get a job.
11. I hate that you stopped talking to me. I didn’t deserve that at all.
12. Chill.
13. There’s nothing you can do.
14. Everything you say is freaking hilarious.
15. I would like to clone you.
16. I’m sorry the last thing I ever said to you before you died was something totally snarky. I regret it so much.
17. Your hobbies as of late are truly made of suck. Let’s go back to all-night marathons of West Wing!
18. Your actions lack strategery.
19. Why do you try to talk me out of pursuing my dreams when all I do is support you?
20. Four turkey sandwiches do not cost $100, even if I’m grabbing soda too. But thanks for offering to let me keep the change.

So when I have writer’s block or I’m taking a break from a book (so necessary!), I try to catch up on reading (any aspiring writer has homework!) and try to get out and see what’s going on in the neighborhood.  In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott always suggests carrying a note card with you wherever you go, so you can jot ideas down.

I can’t tell you how often I use this trick. I mean, I write down experiences, smells, quotes, sights. EVERYTHING. And sometimes I really do end up using these ideas in my writing.

This other cool book I like – The Observation Deck, talks about how important specifics are to your writing, e.g. instead of saying, “He ate a piece of fruit under a tree,” you should write, “He ate an apple under a willow.”

I like books that have quirky, yet specific, random things in them. This book I just read had a neat scene set in a playground next to some rusted train tracks. I loved the visual.

If you need inspiration, get out and take a look around for some great material, like this stuff I found:

Wasabi-colored Dream Car

Monkey teasing baby deer!

R2D2 Mailbox = Epitome of Awesomeness

Hot guy on LL Bean catalog cover (hey! character descriptions are important, too!)

This has nothing to do with Halloween. WTF?

Lamb roasting

(Off subject, but my favorite high school memory of Hanson happened when I was listening to “Mmmbop” and my dad said, “Damn, those girls sure can sing.”)

Therefore, in total solidarity with Emily, I shall post a poem I wrote in high school. This is actually the least offensive and least embarrassing poem I could find. I love that I used the word “emanate” in HS. What a dork I was (am).

Even though this poem is complete crap, I’m happy I found it, cause it just reinforces how much I’ve always enjoyed writing. And it’s great to see how much I’ve grown. But in some ways, I’m very much the same, as this resembles stuff I write now…

It was time again,

for the annual county fair.

It would be leaving tomorrow,

packed away, back into its trucks,

to keep us in suspense,

for another, whole year.

The unique smell of that night

is forever burned into me.

Cotton candy and funnel cakes,

mixed with the exhaust of cigarette smoke.

Stars littered the sky,

as I was thrown around on cheap rides.

We left the fair, the two of us-

in search of cheap wine coolers,

and solitude as well.

The crisp, night air whipped through my hair,

and raced across my cold skin.

I sat on the hood of his Mustang,

where heat was still emanating from the engine.

I was wrapped in his huge, flannel shirt,

staring at the moon’s reflection on the lake’s clear surface.

He bent over to kiss my lips,

and held me tight.

Soon after, it was over.

He moved on to her.

To kiss her lips.

To hold her head to his chest.

To wrap her in his shirt,

leaving me only with the everlasting memory,

Of the last night of the fair.